Have you ever been on one of those dating sites?

If you have, then you will know that there is NOT the perfect person for you on these sites! As a lark, I was bored one night, I signed up at two very popular dating sites. One was free and the other one had some free services but you had to pay to get the replies or to send anything to anyone.

The free site had the most amusement for me. You could browse through the pictures and profiles of all the users. You can even limit your searches to specific things, all for free!
I created my profile and set my "looking for " status to "Dating". Then I filled out the part that asks you to describe your perfect match. I was very tempted to say "Looking for gay man as that is the closest I am going to come to someone of the male species that is honest and has a sense of fashion", but I refrained and just said I would like someone honest, caring and must have a sense of humor.

Then it asks what you like to do on a date! *Gulp* I have no idea what I like to do on a date as the last date I went on we went to the Stardust Roller Rink in the 1980's. I manage to wing it and tell them I would like to go out for a coffee and get to know each other and then maybe a nice walk along the beach or something like that. Pretty basic and forward answers to their questions, or so I thought.

So, I made contact with 3 random people that had the same interests as me. My email went as follows:

Hi Guy (name changed to protect the perverted) ,
I was browsing through the profiles and yours caught my eye.
I see we have several things in common and wondered if you would
like to chat and see where things go from there.
Hope to hear from you soon.
7Ladybugs (not the name I used on the sites)

I sent this to each guy changing the greeting to personalize it for their profile, but the base of it was still the same.

To my amazement, within 15 minutes I recieved my first reply.

"Hey my sexy goddess, I want to get together with you and get naked."

WHAT!?!? I have no clue how he managed to get the idea that I was looking for a "quickie". So, I politely told him that in no way did my previous email to him suggest that I was looking for sex or proposing a sexual encounter.

" Yea dats ok. Wanna have sex anyway?" Was his reply.

Ok so now I figured out how to use the block feature.

I was hoping that he would be the only single man on the site that could not read, or read what he was hoping was written in the email. That hope was soon lost by the second email reply I recieved from the one of the remaining two singles I had contacted.

" Hey lets hook it up and get pissed drunk and then have rough sex! "

My reply was polite and to the point.

"I am sorry you can not read. It is not your fault I suppose. It would also explain why you are on this dating site. For one I do not drink, so getting pissed drunk would never happen. Having rough sex is not my idea of fun. I am sure you would have done well in the prehistoric times when all you had to do was club a woman on the head and drag her by the hair. You could also draw pictures instead of using words, that would have been better for you I am sure. So in closing, NO! NO! NO! and NO! "

His reply was:
" cum on baby u like it rough every chick does dont lie bout it babes"
Wow the best feature on here so far is the Block User feature!

Now I hold out hope that there can not be THAT many single guys that can turn an innocent email into something so disgusting. I didn't have to wait too long before I found my answer.

" Do u deep throt" * that is the real spelling*

" Thank you for your kind reply. It must have taken you ages to write all that information to me. I thank you for giving me a better understanding of who you are and sharing with me. At this time I am still on hold with Websters Dictionary to see if they can either send you a free copy or to add your "throt" word to their word list. I have to be honest and it isn't looking good. In closing I would like to thank you for amusing me today."

Was my reply and I thought it was pretty obvious that I was being sarcastic.
"So u wanna ?" Was the reply I recieved in less than five minutes. The Block User feature sure does come in handy.

So, within an hour of me signing up on the free site, I :

~ Took the first step and contacted three random people with the same interests as me and in the same age group.
~ Recieved three replies that could be used as new material for my upcoming erotic fiction.
~ Realized that just because it is free does not make it free from freaks!

Some things are just worth paying for I guess!
©7ladybugs 2007
December 17th 2007